Rose-Colored Glasses

... or why we need to stop the comparison game.

Raise your hand if you woke up today—and for just one second—you wanted to go back to bed?

*author raises hand.

Sometimes, it’s not just for a second. We carry that why-can’t-I-just-stay-in-bed feeling with us all day… or is that just me?

I was listening to a podcast yesterday, and the host asked the question how do you measure your success? And I had to think about that for a second, knowing in the pit of my stomach that I wasn’t going to like the answer.

Well, (full disclosure, here) I measure it by comparing myself to everyone else I see on social media, as well as other others who are claiming to easily write four books a year and pull in a cool six-figure income from those books. Every time I finish a book and hit publish, I have that invincible feeling of I can totally make this dream a reality.

I have beaten the odds.

I am successful!

Then, almost in the same second, the doubt creeps in. The more I look for what I want my life to resemble, the more defeated I become. The doubt is that voice in your head that says I can’t.

I will never…

I don’t know how…

I don’t have time/money/energy…

It is a spiral of doubt one can only get from measuring your success against others. The Doubt Spiral—not unlike the death spiral in pairs skating that also appears extremely difficult.

The doubt spiral will confirm all your worst fears. It will take away your sane reasoning and replace it with thoughts like I’m not good enough, who do you think you are, and my personal favorite, let’s just bake cookies and keep your day job.

But the mind is a tricky beast, and we do have the ability of nipping those thoughts in the bud and pivoting to a kinder, gentler thought. One that feels like hope. One that reminds you that no one else calls the shots on your life.

You do.

You get to choose your thoughts.

You get to imagine whatever the hell you want. The only thing is, you have to stand behind those thoughts, and put blinders on to anything anyone else is doing. Let them live their lives, and you live yours. If you have to take yourself off social media, then so be it. It’s 95% BS anyways. Be like the horses who wear blinkers in the race so they can block everything out except for their finish line.

I’m not saying you won’t wake up in the morning with the familiar dread and anxiety still, but you will be able to notice those thoughts quicker and pivot to something that makes you feel better. You really can change your mind for the better if you work at it. Leaving reminders for yourself and what you want is also another great tactic to combat the doubt spiral.

I hope this helps you in your day today. As I write these words, it’s Mother’s Day morning, and I know mine is smiling at the fact I chose something different today rather than missing her.

Coffee Wisdom of the Day: Think better thoughts. Just like Glinda the Good Witch said, “ You always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.”

Side note fun fact: While I was looking up the exact quote from Glinda, I also found this gem from her… “A dream is only as strong as the dreamer who believes it.”

Word.

Until next time, read something fabulous.

xo, mj